Dating a Guy With Kids? 6 Things You Must Find Out! | HuffPost Life
A few years ago, a friend of mine who was dating a guy with kids said to me, The kids might feel like they are being disloyal to their mother if they are kind to. I'm a single mom with a 3-year-old son, and I won't date someone who has kids. Yes, you read that right. If that's not enough to make you think. When your kids hate your boyfriend, do you breakup or work through it? These single parent dating tips will help you find the right answer, My 6-year-old adores the man I'm dating, but my 9-year-old son hates my boyfriend!.
Oh, and he has kids. Now maybe you have kids and maybe you don't. If you do, you're a little ahead of the game because most parents understand the unconditional love and responsibilities they have for their kids.
- If Your Kids Hate the Man You're Dating, Should You Date Him Anyway?
- 7 Tips About Dating Guys Who Have Kids
- Dating a Guy With Kids? 6 Things You Must Find Out!
But it still won't make it easy. Find out how long your guy has been divorced and how he feels about it. Divorce is a type of death and requires a process of grief, even when one may have desperately wanted the divorce. When there are kids involved, it's a major loss for them. The process of grief is not a brief one. How well has your guy worked through his divorce?
Most men live with guilt post-divorce, even when a divorce is more than warranted. They feel especially powerless and shameful if the mother of their children turned out to be not such a great mother. How well has your guy worked through the angst of his marriage ending?
Has he truly moved on?
Is he ready for another committed relationship? Explore these questions early in the relationship. BTW, if he's separated versus divorced, consider that a red flag.
There's a reason for the expression, "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Find out what his relationship is to his ex.
If he has a hostile relationship with his ex, you can expect a lot more complications than what will already naturally exist when dating or living with a guy who has kids. Hostile ex-wives tend to extend their bitterness to the new woman in her ex's life. Some will try to alienate their children from their father as well as his new partner. Privacy in the home becomes difficult because angry mothers tend to interrogate their children when they return home from Dad's house.
Some love to file court hearings at the drop of a hat and there is the potential for you, if you are living or ultimately married to him, to be pulled into these post-marital dramas. If he has a friendly relationship with his ex, how friendly is it? Some men feel pulled between their ex and their new partner.
10 Men That Single Moms Should Avoid
Find out where you stand in this picture. Find out what his boundaries are with his ex. Many of you may have found out the hard way that your new love had lousy boundaries with his ex. The ex dropped by, came into the home and maybe even had a key!
There were texts, emails and phone calls on a constant basis. Your new guy may be constantly complaining to you about his ex and before you know it, you are both caught up in the drama of continually talking about her latest antics. This is not a topic that you want to be the thing that binds you.
Don’t Do It: Dating A Guy With Children - The Frisky
Healthy boundaries must be established to preserve the privacy and sanity of you both as the new couple. This is not to suggest that friendship between exes isn't a good thing.
It's great for them to get along but things have to change when another person enters the picture. Boundaries must be created to prevent unwanted intrusions. Your guy must make it clear to his ex about how much communication is needed and to emphasize that it needs to be focused on the kids. Find out what his expectations are when it comes to your role with his children. Your attitude will determine everything. Watch what you say to other people, do not judge or critique their parenting skills, be as polite and kindhearted as possible.
It makes it easier on the child, easier on the ex, and will generally create a peaceful life you want to be living. Consider yourself all a part of one big team working to make that little baby have the best life possible—you all pull your weight and check your resentment at the door. You will know how he would act to YOUR children should you choose to have kids with him. My heart warms up when I see him tickle and play with her, when I see this big burly tough guy braiding hair or building her a Barbie 4 wheeler.
Most relationships that I had been in before, it was madness to talk about buying houses, getting married, planning for a financial future together, such serious things so soon. But this man of mine had already figured out how he wanted his life to go. He lost the self-centered way of thinking that my prior loves had possessed; he was living for his little girl and now living for me.
Having his daughter changed him; it made him stable, it made him more responsible, and it made him aware of the future a lot more than he did before having her. You fall in love with not one person, but two. The very first time I met his daughter, I was brimming with anxiety.The Brutal Truth About Dating Single Mothers
That was not his way of thinking however, he wanted to see how she was with me and have her grinning vote of approval before investing any more. And let me tell you, one look at that smile and I was gone. I fell head over heels for a little blonde-haired angel. She was the exact replica of the man who was stealing my heart and I was no longer immune to them both. That kind of package deal is horribly intimidating because what if you wind up liking one and not the other?!
What if the child hates your guts? That fear gets washed away every time she runs over to me or squeezes my hand when she is sleeping.