Dating and personality disorders

When Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality Disorder

dating and personality disorders

A woman with borderline personality disorder writes about the cycle of dating she goes through. Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. While the beginnings of a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder might take you to. Most people first encounter borderline personality disorder (BPD) on screen: It's the condition behind Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction.

So is it realistic for those of us with BPD to ever date again? Are we really capable of building healthy romantic relationships?

Healthy Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder | HealthyPlace

With a little bit of work and commitment, I wholeheartedly believe this answer is yes. Whether or not we have BPD, we are human beings. And human beings are wired for relational connections, including romantic partnerships.

Do be honest in evaluating your readiness for a romantic relationship There was a time that because of my BPD I was obsessed with having a romantic relationship. I attracted other unhealthy people and I used people. And so, I made a choice to take one year off of dating. I focused on healing from BPDbuilding friendships, my career, and my spiritual life.

dating and personality disorders

I allowed myself time to be whole. I started writing this column, a lifelong dream! When I think about them, I will often place my hand on my heart and say a prayer. I wish them well. Do seek additional support if you need it If codependent, unhealthy, or otherwise destructive relationship patterns are a part of your life with borderline personality disorder, you may consider seeking additional support. Having BPD is no picnic, either.

You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time, and in severe cases, on the border between reality and psychosis.

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Your illness distorts your perceptions, causing antagonistic behavior and making the world a perilous place. The pain and terror of abandonment and feeling unwanted can be so great that suicide feels like a better choice.

If you like drama, excitement, and intensity, enjoy the ride, because things will never be calm. Following a passionate beginning, expect a stormy relationship that includes accusations and anger, jealousy, bullying, control, and breakups due to the insecurity of the person with BPD. Nothing is gray or gradual. For people with BPD, things are black and white. They have the quintessential Jekyll and Hyde personality.

They fluctuate dramatically between idealizing and devaluing you and may suddenly and sporadically shift throughout the day. You never know what or whom to expect. They can be vindictive and punish you with words, silence, or other manipulations, which can be very destructive to your self-esteem. What you see is their norm. Their emotions, behavior, and unstable relationships, including work history, reflect a fragile, shame-based self-image.

This is often marked by sudden shifts, sometimes to the extent that they feel nonexistent. For them, trust is always an issue, often leading to distortions of reality and paranoia. They may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them, make you doubt reality and your sanity, or even brainwash you as emotional manipulation.

  • What You Need to Know When Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
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It is not unusual for them to cut off friends and relatives who they feel have betrayed them. They react to their profound fears of abandonment with needy and clingy behavior or anger and fury that reflect their own skewed reality and self-image. In a close relationship, they must walk a tightrope to balance the fear of being alone or of being too close.

dating and personality disorders

To do so, they try to control with commands or manipulation, including flattery and seduction. Whereas narcissists enjoy being understood, too much understanding frightens the borderline.

Generally, borderlines are codependent, and find another codependent to merge with and to help them. They seek someone to provide stability and balance their changeable emotions. A codependent or narcissist who acts self-sufficient and controls his or her feelings can provide a perfect match.

The person with BPD may appear to be the underdog in the relationship, while his or her partner is the steady, needless and caretaking top dog. They each exercise control in different ways.

The non-BPD may do it through caretaking.

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Passion and intense emotions are enlivening to the person without BPD, who finds being alone depressing or experiences healthy people as boring. Codependents already have low self-esteem and poor boundaries, so they placate, accommodate, and apologize when attacked in order to maintain the emotional connection in the relationship.

Setting a boundary can sometimes snap them out of their delusional thinking.

dating and personality disorders